Feeling Sick to my Stomach Nervous - a Poem

All is well as I wake up and turn to snooze the alarm

Feeling my dog pressed warm against my side.

And then I remember, and I notice my stomach

Fluttering and heavy at the same time.

Aw, damn. This is really happening.

I roll over, but I can’t sleep. Impossible.

I make myself get up…and shower…

As time goes too quickly… in slow motion.

I find myself annoyed at the big Tom.

Meowing and jumping on the counter.

Fresh water, fresh food, fresh litter…what next?

And I can’t even seem to find fresh underwear.

I guess coffee might get me going

But it doesn’t even taste right today

And falls tight in my belly that now aches.

And I can’t even bring myself to eat a cracker.

Ugh. I look tired. Maybe a little more blush

To give color to my washed-out cheeks.

Maybe pull the hair back today. No,

Let it down to hide some of the face.

I’d better leave now. Finally.

I’m already late… but do I care?

Will they? It already seems too late

For anybody to really care if I’m there or not.

I’m here now. Head down, making my way back there.

I’ll just try to do my own thing today

And wait for that call. I guess, anyway.

I don’t know what else to do with myself.

Coffee, water, more coffee--still can’t touch food.

To the bathroom too many times.

Deep breaths…just focus…just breathe and try

To finally eat…wish I had a decent lunch.

The afternoon is dragging more than usual.

I go between watching the phone

Listening for a knock on the door

And escaping to go someplace else.

Wish I could just run away from here

But there’s no way that I can. Not really.

I just have to wait here—on edge--

Waiting for the unknown answer.

I hate this. To the bathroom again.

These unsettled nerves are killing me.

And the hours drag on like no other day

As I try—and fail—not to dwell on it all.

The phone never does ring for me…

Or it’s a nerve-wracking false alarm

And not what I’m waiting for…

With anticipation and dread.

I pick up my coat and hat and look back

One more time to look around to see

If there’s a message, or a call I missed.

But now at last I’m free to go.

And I’m glad—and yet not—

‘cause there’s no resolution

And no answer, and no way

To know what will happen tomorrow…

Or if….

Whew! This poem makes me nervous as I feel those feelings all over again. I’m not going to go into detail as to what was happening with those nervous, anxious thoughts, because it’s a very personal situation that I was trying to survive. I do think, though, that those thoughts and feelings could be applied to any individual who is going through a difficult and uncertain time in life. Regardless of my not giving specifics of my own situation, I do hope that readers can relate to the feelings expressed in this poem..